Go Get Lost

All my life I’ve been trying to find my way…to follow the rules (failing) and doing the right thing (mostly). I struggled and felt shame and never felt like I fit the mold, then I got lost. After years of caring for my husband, he passed away and I was left lost. I went to a grief group (helpful experience) and read the articles and tried to do everything right in order to move forward. I slept too much, I ate too much, I drank too much, and I suffered a lot. Then I remembered something my late husband had said to me: Don’t try to do things like everyone else because you aren’t like everyone else. That’s when the freedom to throw out the plans and maps and expectations began. I started asking myself minute by minute what my intuition was telling me. Sometimes that was still a long nap in the afternoon, but it didn’t come with shame, it was self-care. I needed time alone and I needed time with people and I needed to be a caregiver only this time, I cared for myself. Then I began to travel again and wow…getting lost was life-changing and I’ll never pick up a map again.